The raidance in her weirdness

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She has the cutest way of over thinking things. As annoying as it gets she can’t stop though she really wants too. She messes up more then what she can hold together , Simply cause she can’t keep anything together. She’s a beautiful mess one worth the confusion she causes everywhere she goes. She’s human just like the rest of us but more fragile than what anyone can recognise. She’s a storm, and you know how they say its always calm after? She couldn’t be more beautiful then, she’s a wreck. Physically and emotionally. She’s tough when she can be, but sometimes things get the better of her, they always seem too. She’s tries her best in everything she does, but it never seems good enough. Not even to her. She doubts herself more then anything but what she really wants is to fit in. She’s a girl who likes her hair bushy and is prone to being invisible. She’s beautiful when she opens her eyes & you’ve never seen the world through it the way she can. She admires spring time ; When everything comes alive because in someway at times she comes alive just like the season does. She’s everything good but at the same time destruction at its best. She’s worth more then what you could think of and most of all she’s just a girl. Classified as ordinary and weird but better than extraordinary. She’s worth everything because she’s the most beautiful you’ve ever in the way she laughs, says stuff or even does them she’s just a girl trying to find her place in the world though she knows its impossible because she’ll never actually belong in it. She’s an outcast and it suits her very well, because as much as she wants to fit in at times, she’s knows she’s born to stand out. She’s a special kind of beautiful .. One that’s rarely ever found.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Destiny

“As for the question of destiny…
all I know is that even when destiny really wants to accomplish something, it can’t do it alone. You still have to go to that restaurant. You still have to show up. You still have to build a bridge… to the one you love” – My Sassy girl

Pain.

I think we’ve all felt it in some way. “The indescribable void in the place where your heart once use to be”. The type of pain that changes you in indescribable ways.

I was there not so long along. I know what its like waking up and wishing you didn’t. What its like crying yourself to sleep every night to do the exact thing in the morning.
I know what its like to pretend to be okay so that people just wouldn’t stare at you or see through you like you already knew they did.

Pain isn’t a fantom of our imagination. Its something that’s as real as the next emotion. Be it happiness or curiosity. Its a place too. A place of unsurety & insecurity and a place you don’t want to be in. On the contrary you’re already in it.

It does get better though (That’s if you want/allow it to) days don’t drag on as much as you think they did and you don’t entirely feel the burning emptiness is your chest. As much as I wish I had the strength to “keep it together” on my own, I didn’t, I had help from a friend. His name’s God and if God is all you have then you have all you need.

As John Green pointed out :
Pain DEMANDS to be felt.
And I doubt that to anyone it isn’t. ANYWAY my point is that pain either makes or breaks you and that decision is up to you. Either way though you’re broken.

I think we’re all confined to a place we put ourselves in. And just like most decisions, is entirely up to you whether or not you live with it or find your way out of it.

People & love.

There are over 7 billion people in the world. This means that; Everyone is bound to having the same name as someone else. That means you’re going to come across people who has the exact name of someone you once knew & that in itself means you’ll never truly forget him/her because of it.

I know what its like, to look across the room and at someone and see endless possibilities, see the reason why you’re you, see how everything in your life has led you to that moment, there with him & having to urge yourself to imagine things you could’ve done differently but if you did it would implicate having met him in the first place.

I know what its like to trace my fingers across someone’s face & just feel overwhelmed with their existence. To feel & be completely taken by how perfect a single person is… To you at least.

I know what’s its like to Love someone so much that it hurts and what its like to hurt because of them. I fell in love when I was 15.

The world has this full blow perception that when you’re young you don’t know half of what life’s about. Well, what I know is that most people wait a lifetime to feel/experience what I’ve already have. According to me, Falling in love doesn’t come with duration. It comes & happens when you least expect it… And there’s absolutely no way survive it.

“I’m gonna be just fine (Like I have been) but you’re never gonna find another love like mine.”

Books & movies.

Maybe the reason people LOVE movies and books so much is because deep down they wish there lives played out the way their favourite ones did.

We’re all in quest for the “Happy Ever after” but isn’t the story before and during just as important? Personally, I wish my “story” played out the way “Something borrowed”, “Down to you” or “Where Rainbows End” does.

Where I get to be as happy with someone I think I don’t stand a chance with in reality, or where someone knows I’m not perfect but still thinks I am.

Maybe that’s the thing about movies, they give us the a bit of hope that life itself doesn’t offer. Hope & courage to pursue what seems to be impossible because like they all point out ;
In the end we only regret chances we didn’t take. #foodforthought

5 steps of grieving. Day 1

Denial … Denial of the situation. That it may not be the way it actually seems like. I’ve passed this point I’m sure because I’ve come to terms with things not being that same as it were years/months ago. Not to say that it changed for the better but maybe it just stayed broken and remains to stay that way.

Anger Toward the situation. I can now think about what happened and not feel slightly angered by it. Although a while ago I did feel disappointed but not anymore just over joyed that it happened and I continue to remain faithful that things will improve with God & time because after all with that, somehow we begin to shine.

Bargaining. I know this oh to well. Its associated with Denial. When you begin to open yourself around the idea that things will develop a different way and in your favour at that. I for one have and ended it because in its essence it all comes down to one thing & one thing only.
THINGS HAVE CHANGED and it will indefinitely stay that way.

Depression. Two types of depression come along with grieve. ONE sadness regret etc. The next is quietness. Up until I individually went over the steps I realised that maybe I’m not as over what happened as I claimed to be but on contrary I do think/feel as though I’ve reached the final step, that being;

Acceptance. This bringing me to the
“Serenity Prayer” attached at the bottom.

Having gone through all of this & maybe still going through it, I’ve come to terms with a few things.
Its OKAY to still try bargaining your way around the situation, it becomes a threat when you start believing that there’s a way through it without actually having to go through it.
2 Depression is often best dealt with friends/family who can help but bare in mind not accompany you on it.
In any case to me, depression is best dealt with on our own for 2 reasons.
A You somehow managed to get yourself into it, so you’re probably more than capable of getting yourself out of it &
B Understanding that happiness is a choice/state of mind just like heaven and hell is & Knowledge to fathom that no one can make the choice for you or help you unless you decide to help yourself.

A end in the beginning.

So I’ve decided to go M.I.A for a while, not for some dramatic reason though. Just for the mere fact that I need time to myself. “Introspection” does come as well along if you’re still having everyone dictate to you about who you are.

I also see this as an opportunity to improve my spiritual status.
I don’t have any expectation of what is to come from this, nor do I expect anything to come from it. I’m just open to it I suppose and I’ll let the wind take me where it blows.
Because after all, What’s a life without a little adventure?

Brightly

Most of all of us are caught up in something we don’t want to be in. I’m caught up in reality not being as fulfilling as I think it should be. Somewhere along the way I lost control of it again and I continue losing control.

Which isn’t as much of a bad thing because it somehow humbles me to go back to the basics.

And “The basics” are :
•1 Accepting that not everything (or anything) is in my control.
•2 I shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help
AND
•3 Simple decisions aren’t as simple (To me at least) because how there’s two sides to “every story”… There’s a million to mine.

I think that’s what one of biggest flaws were. Not accepting myself because other people didn’t. I let their opinion of me become the opinion I had of myself.

Along this journey of introspection I’ve come too multiple conclusions and the most important one was a song sung by Lee Duwyze that he was kind enough to point out… To me and well the rest of his fans.

Nevertheless he sings
“If you could only just stop running if you could only take a second to breath it in Everything that you know would be beautiful Like you.”
And that, in itself is what I chose to be “Beautiful” because with all that’s ugly & wrong in & about the world BEAUTY is confidence – in yourself & not depriving the rest of the world off knowing you because a bunch of people thought they did.

Since nothing can dim the light within me…I wasn’t gonna let anyone threaten my sparkle either.